I need the sea because it teaches me

I have been in love with the sea forever. 

Long before I was born, farther back than ever I could  reach.  So long ago that it bears fruit, shadows, roots and will always wait for me just like an old love, new love, constant and true.

Sometimes I am convinced if there were no sea, I would simply cease to exist.

This morning writing up in my studio I could hear the hauntingly beautiful chant of waves crashing over themselves through my window which  is always kept slightly ajar to let all things sea in.

Entrancing, seductive, piercing...calling out to me like a beguiling fairy tale of sorts.

I was quite tired as I had been up so early and endless cups of blackberry ~ green tea were not quite enlivening me as the day drifted quietly through the hours.

I also felt the  heaviness of old things in my weariness.   Shards of disappointment, splinters of sorrow, fear, past longings, witherings.  Things long past but still grieving somewhere inside where it hurt.

So I tucked my braids under my green knitted hat and bundled up in a warm yellow sweater, navy blue coat and fingerless mittens.  I slipped on a  pair of worn converse sneakers (perfect for leaping over sea pebbles and driftwood) reaching quickly for  my nikon and flip cameras.

And off I went, flying out the door.

Stepping quickly along the white windswept lane towards the sea, my dog bounding happily alongside.

The sky was fuming charcoal grey clouds, the sea was a storm of tumbling colors, silver, blue, green, a blur of white...the wind wailing ancient seasongs which cursed my blood.

everything was glistening, unfurling, undressing itself.

the light was receding and yet everything was filled with light.

Lured by  it's hypnotic spell, I moved in  to take some photo's even as the waves crashed fiercely upon my drenched feet in swells and sprayed the lens of my camera.    Despite a murmuring fear within warning me that I could so easily be pulled out into the waves if I were not careful, I moved even closer still.

Salt spray inflamed my cheeks, the  sting of barnacle and seaweed pressed itself furiously upon my lips, a gust of wind bit upon my cheek.

Something Wounded pierced my soul and then  it quickly vaporized with the rush of outgoing tide.  It must have wanted to get out terribly for it moved faster than light.  It left behind a little rip and as my hand wavered towards my heart protectively I could feel new life slipping through this opening with a vast rush of salt air.

o p e n i n g

waves encircled me

crashing up to my knees

my soul gasped for air, submerged

all those little knots loosened

floating away like little ships

and I bolted madly towards myself

clear as a mirror and

singing

love, xox

~ Maddie ~