I flew down to the beach so early this morning as if I was moving through a storm and honestly, it felt so cathartic. You see, this week I had the most unexpected purge of emotions in the form of a tremendous meltdown. One moment I was standing in the kitchen chatting with my daughter and the next moment I found myself in a storm of tears while a marching band of various built up 'tendernesses' were spilling forth. And when I say spilling, I really mean more like a tsunami wave.
The trigger was being called in for a shoot on the same day I was going to pick my son Noah up from the ferry after his month long training to be a counsellor at his camp. I was so looking forward to driving to the ferry to meet him with his sister and was feeling devastated with the turn of events. And then suddenly everything else burst forth and I found myself in an avalanche of tears and a whole line up of tenderness's demanded to be let out as well as they toppled all over one another.
The most beautiful thing about this meltdown is how intuitively I sensed that I needed to surrender and simply move out of my way and flow through the emotional landscape of everything tumbling out. I sort had an out of body experience where I was watching myself purge a whole treasure chest of sensitivities. I found myself thinking 'oh my, I didn't realize how much that was weighing on me' or realizing how lonely I was, carrying so many things or how much I needed some easeful abundance to carry me aloft at this point in endeavors.
I must confess that when I was finished I felt a mellow lustre climbing up into my heart and a beautiful equilibrium curl up deep within. My sweetpea Tess also gifted me with the awareness of her loving ability to navigate emotional distress with complete presence and true listening and a gorgeous way of echoing back my outbursts that made me feel so loved and heard and supported. I adore that magnificent soul with all of my being.
Have you ever had acupuncture? I felt as if slender gold needles had been inserted into sensitivities building up in my soul releasing imbalances in the flow of qi through emotional meridians.
So this morning I was up with the birds and made myself some brown rice porridge (brown rice simmered with cinnamon, almonds, cranberries topped with dried wild blueberries, fresh summer peaches, Greek yogurt, pumpkin seeds and maple syrup) and a thermos of Lapsang Souchong tea to bring along to the beach with my journal.
I could hear Autumn dancing in on tiny apple feet trailing spools of burnished honey gold. My favorite time of the year! There will be many an ode to bonfires and sweaters in my posts very soon I must forewarn you:)
My blue moon journalling celebrated so many gifts I have received in the past few weeks ~ shooting stars and swooping barn owls, revitalized creativity, revelations and shifts in emotional desires and even the candy pink (Jones New York) cashmere sweater I found at the thrift shop this week.
This afternoon I am ensconsed in my studio working on the registrations for 'my sweet muse' and 'infinite love.' As well there are 3 spots still left for the September 'persisting soul' open classroom if you have been pondering and longing to leap into this course.
And finalllllyyyyyy! There are exactly only
I have a happy little pile of polaroid film for my workshop waiting impatiently in the fridge and I imagine that many a meandering green field beneath bounding blue skies will grace our workshop images.
And of course my bicycle which will be waiting for me at Croydon hall needs to photographed. I hope it has a basket. For my film and camera and blanket and thermos of TEA of course! ENGLISH TEA! (it would be a terrible misfortune if it didn't have a basket, don't you think?)
Now I am just being silly. Complete emotional meltdowns tend to leave lots of space for wildflower joy.
love, love, lovely love
pst! one more thing ~ tonight I am putting out mythis is a sneak peek of my new fairy magic hat that Vibeke knitted for me ~ I LOVE it! And you will see this plumlicious beauty in it's full elfin glory in my Somerset photo's very soon ~ swoooooon!